When a boy is young he looks up to his father as his hero but, one thing he doesn't know is that his hero was wounded from his own past pains. He doesn't know that when his father was a boy he was hurt by his own father and when he cried, he was told not to cry even if his pain was unbearable, because if he cried he would be labeled as weak, so he would keep quiet rather than expressing his pain and frustrations. By keeping quiet, a wound is being created in his soul which would hurt him in his life as a grown-up man, that is why today we see angry men. Men who abuse their wives and girlfriends, physically, emotionally and sexually because they don't know the root causes of their rage towards women. Today he would be sweet and tomorrow he would act like a lion, bitter and angry thus leading to any form of abuse. Being ignorant of the causes of his actions, we label him as cruel, hard and a bad man.
His family and the community start cursing, neglecting and isolating him, even when he runs to church for healing, he is still labeled as a bad man, judged and left alone until he goes back to his old ways, up to the point that he kills someone and he is arrested. Through him every man has been generalized as a "bad" man because of the onesided media coverage, reporting on cases of women abuse by the male sex.
With this, less has been done by governments and churches to help curb the seemingly rising epidemic since the root causes have been ignored and replaced by laws that are there to oppress these men and increasing the wounds that were there in the first place.
This man who went to prison would meet other men who themselves are hurting and this increases the pain in him and no one is there to help him inside prison. When he leaves prison, he believes he has learnt his lesson and believes that his family and the society would accept him, but to his surprise, nobody wants to be close to him. So that pushes him to commit the same sin he had commited before he went to jail.
He starts hurting his son because he doesn't know how to treat him, he wants the best out of him but instead he is emotionally abusing him by calling him names like weak, stupid, sissy etc. This cripples his character.
Men must understand, to a boy, daddy defines manhood which requires bonding with his father. If his father is absent, disengaged or abusive, its painful for him to identify with his dad and he withdraws from manhood. He covers his shame with anger and bitterness.
Today, we are facing a society of fatherless children which is why we need to identify the root of the pain that men face. Millions are seeking to find the missing father by:
• seeking approval of others;
• engaging in compulsive behaviors and addictive practices which are tragic at the end;
• seeking pleasure but remaining empty inside;
• joining a group to find a sense of family or belonging e.g. a gang;
• they are full of emptiness and anger;
• they fill their emptiness by drinking too much alcohol and do more drugs;
• crime is one of the things that makes them feel strong;
Nations are increasing the number of policemen and soldiers in order to reduce crime, but instead crime is increasing daily from the result of fatherlessness.
The same policemen and women are coming from fatherless families, that is why they themselves are committing crime. We have seen a number of these policemen being arrested for committing crimes.
It has been researched that school dropouts and teenage pregnancies are the results of absent fathers in the family.
Many schools, companies, firms, churches and organizations are filled with people with orphan mentality. As long as governments and churches don't know how to fix this problem, families are still going to be dysfunctional and the world will go down the drain if we don't wake up and fix this problem.
There is more to be discussed on this issue. I
believe by writing this people are going to be
provoked in getting a solution on this issue.
Remember, hurt people, hurt people.